Who would you like to forgive?

The chances of you getting hurt by someone you care about are virtually one hundred percent. The world is a beautiful and inspiring place at times. But other times, this world is dark and cruel. It doesn’t matter how kind you are to everyone. You can put nothing but but positive energy out into the world. At some point the world will seem like it wants nothing but to bring you to your knees in pain. A lot of people have the most genuine of intentions when we interact with others. The darkness comes not just from the people accidentally hurting others, but also the people who have pure ill intentions. With people and incentives so corrupt we’re bound to get hurt eventually.

It can happen from pretty much anybody we deal with. It could be your best friend turning their back on you and dating your girlfriend. It could be your parents manipulating you and using you for financial gain. It could be your role model, business partner, or a stranger trying to destroy something you love or care about. When we get hurt by people, it hurts deep. But what’s most important is how we handle that hurt. Will we become corrupt and vengeful or will be forgiving? It’s hard to know exactly how to handle that type of emotional pain. It brings us to the darkest of places. Sometimes the best thing to do is forgive and learn from the past pain. You just have to take the time to find the forgiveness in your heart. It can really help you heal from the pain. So who would you like to forgive?

Here’s a short story on who I’d like to forgive.

I don’t know how many times I’ve shared this story before. When it first happened I was hesitant to share it with others. Nobody needed to know what was going on in my personal life. It was a lot of craziness going on back and forth. And honestly it was pretty embarrasing for me to admit that I was played in such a manner. The smart, prideful guy got completely blindsided and ended up looking like a fool. Nobody gets excited to share that story. But then I realized that it was a real story that was a real part of my life. And the story could add a lot of value, comfort, and guidance to others dealing with a similar situation. I decided to share years ago. I haven’t said much about it since. But this question here has one clear answer to me. And the story that relates is the one I’m going to share now in condensed form.

I never wanted to be in a relationship. My whole life I didn’t want to get married or have kids. I always envisioned myself as being the lone ranger that focused on business and personal growth. I wanted to be a forever bachelor that lived in a nice modern house and went to work in my corporate office everyday. That being said, I was still interested in meeting girls. Towards the end of my highschool career I made a point to meet more girls. I was always scared to talk to girls and let them know I was interested in them. I decided to meet more girls for the sake of becoming more socially savvy. I went out of my way to meet girls just to get better at meeting them. I was all about getting out my comfort zone. In the very last week of highschool, I met a girl I was attracted to and we exchanged numbers.

We became fast friends over the summer. I met her friends and she went to parties and events with my friends. We eventually became interested in each other romantically. I wasn’t keen on exploring it but she was. Somehow, someway we ended up in a relationship. She became my girlfriend despite all my attempts to stop that from happening. I eventually conceded and started seeing things her way. I would see how passionate she was about love and family. She wanted us to get married and start our own family one day. I came around and started seeing the value in marriage. I wanted us to get married and start a family one day too. We became super close. She was my right hand woman. We went everywhere together and did everything together. There was nothing in the world that would come inbetween us.

Or at least that’s what I thought. All of our friends and family were supportive of the relationship as well. They saw how much we loved each other and were inspired. She was so sweet and I was so goal-oriented. It was a perfect match. Then three years later things started deteriorating. We weren’t talking as much as we used to. We weren’t going out on cute dates like we used to. And we weren’t making love all the time like we used to. I was so busy with work that I rarely had time to for cute lovey dubey stuff. And she was always at work, putting in late hours trying to save up so we could move out one day. The only thing pushing us was the goal of moving out, getting married, and starting our own family. She would tell me almost daily she wanted to be my wife. And I always made a mental note.

Then her birthday came swinging around. She went out to meet up with her bestfriend to get drinks for her birthday. It was around five in the afternoon when she left. She came back at like two in the morning. I asked her what she did and if they had fun. She immediately started acting weird and said she wasn’t with her bestfriend. She went to hang out with her ex boyfriend from highschool. We argued. I gave her the benefit of the doubt. The next day when I looked through her phone, I found message from six months ago saying she loved kissing her ex boyfriend that night. She was cheating on me for six months. Our relationship quickly went into turmoil and chaos. We broke up and she got into a relationship with two other guys. It was a horrible time in both our lives. I was hurt.

But after everything we found ourselves back in each other’s lives. We started getting close and friendly again. She wanted us to be in a relationship again. I stayed hesitant. I still didn’t feel I could trust her. And the quality of our relationship was very toxic. Now today I feel like I still can’t trust her. So I don’t think I ever fully forgave her for the things that happened in the past. She recently went and slept with yet another guy, with my blessing, even though she didn’t need it. The only thing that was weird is how far she went to keep it a secret from me. She was still being deceptive. I feel even stronger that I can’t trust anything she says or does. She doesn’t have the will power to do what she wants. She easily gives in to temptation and can’t be honest and transparent. I can’t forgive her but I want to.

I just hope I can find true forgiveness in my heart some time soon. And I hope she can find true remorse.

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