What’s something new you recently learned about yourself?

Every day holds a brand new story. And some days it might not seem like there’s anything different. But in reality, no single day could possibly be exactly the same as another day. There’s just too many possibilities when it comes to what a day could hold. And of course, you might drive the same way to work, and eat the same sandwich at lunch everyday. But if we take the time to be more aware of our surroundings we’d realize the subtle differences each day holds. And with new and unique days comes new and unique opportunities to learn things about the world. And even more enlightening is learning new things about ourselves and how we interact with the world.

Every single day is an opportunity to learn something new about ourselves. We can learn how we react when someone cuts us off in traffic. Or maybe we’re put into a situation where we have to make a tough decision. Every new day holds something new. But our minds are programmed to hold every single piece of information. Instead, we remember the big important things that stand out to us. All the little pieces of information go in and out in the blink of an eye. What sticks is almost always the things we feel are important for us to remember. And that’s a good thing. If you remember something you’ve learned then chances are you need that lesson in your life right now. So what’s something new you recently learned about yourself?

Here’s a short story on something new I’ve learned recently about myself.

I was bored as shit. It was such a long day for no reason. I hated when the days seemed like it was being dragged out for no reason. And of course that’s exactly what was happening today. I didn’t know what to do with my time. Should I just go and play games all day? Or maybe I should watch Youtube videos of people playing games all day? They’re both pretty unproductive things to do with my time. And of course I decided to do both. It was just one of those days. It was just one of those weeks. It was going to be one of those months. I knew it was going to get more and more dreadful as the days went on. It wasn’t my first time going through opiate withdrawals. But just like every other time, it felt like the first time heading down a dark, cold journey.

This was one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do. I really meant that every time I said it. And it’s crazy because I went down this path multiple times before that year. I was in a never-ending cycle of getting better and then falling down the same hole. It was such a toxic loop. And I hated every moment of it. But this time was going to be different. I decided to skip the playing games part. I didn’t even feel like I had the energy to play games. Imagine how weak and tired you have to be to think you can’t wiggle your thumbs around for thirty minutes. I was exhausted in mind, body, and spirit at this point. Withdrawal felt like the life being sucked right out of my body slowly but surely. I just pulled up a Youtube video and tried to stay calm.

Then as I was there trying to force myself to watch a stupid music video, DeAsia walked in. She was smiling and all happy. I didn’t know what on Earth there was to be smiling at. We were all going to be destroyed and obliterated one day anyway. “Why are you smiling?”, I asked her. She said she was happy because she was about to roll up and smoke a blunt. I just sighed. I was ten times more annoyed than when she wasn’t here five minutes ago. Not only is she spreading this toxic positive energy around my piss parade, but she’s also about to go do drugs. Imagine me sitting there wishing I had another pill to take and chill out. But I didn’t. Every last pill was gone. I searched for hours and hours the night before.

There was no hope. I told her that I was annoyed because I wanted to get high too. And of course, she said what now seems like the only reasonable response. “Why don’t you come smoke with me?” And I immediately started laughing. There’s no way I’m about to go outside and smoke weed with you right now. And she started laughing herself. She explained that weed wasn’t as bad as it seems. And that was the beginning of our debate on weed versus pills and which was worse. I know addictions in general are just bad news. But for whatever reason, she felt like I should find my fix with weed instead of pills. I just wanted to not be addicted to things. But somehow, in those ten minutes she convinced me to give it a try. I think it was more the dark cloud hanging over me and less of her actual persuasion skills.

We rolled up a blunt and went down on the porch. I almost died trying to learn how to smoke. Who knew it was such a technical process? They should have full blown online college courses on how to take a proper puff. By the time I got the hang of it, my whole family was surrounding me in shock that I was actually smoking. The prude, businessman Tim was here smoking a full blown blunt. They all got their jokes and laughs in. I felt weird doing it myself. I didn’t really want to be. But then I remembered why I really decided to in the first place. I always told myself I would try anything once so I figured I should go ahead and get it out of the way. That plus, I just saw my business role model Elon Musk smoke a joint on Youtube a few days before.

When we went upstairs I was completely normal. The whole thing was a bust and a waste of my time. That’s just sad. But as I was watching my next video, I noticed I was rocking back and forth. I was trying my best to stay still but couldn’t stop rocking back and forth. DeAsia started laughing loudly screaming, “You’re high!”. Then I started laughing loudly and uncontrollably. I didn’t know what I was laughing at but I couldn’t stop laughing. It was weird. My mom text me about something serious and I couldn’t text her back because I was rocking back and forth laughing at nothing. Then I started getting paranoid hoping it would all end soon. And after awhile I started to feel a little happy again similar to the high’s I was used to. But I learned after all of that, that weed is just not my drug. I like to be in control and felt like I didn’t have control of my own mind.

I literally found out the next day that I responded to my mom with a bunch of “LMAO’s” for no reason. Sorry Ma, I was trying weed for the first time.

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