What was the most defining moment in your life during this past year?

Our lives seem like one long, never-ending journey. It seems like there’s always another day, another month, or another year. And that’s a fair feeling. Life is the longest thing we will ever experience in this world. But at the same time our lives are very short. One day we’re in grade school. We blink our eyes and you’re graduating from college. One day we’re graduating from college. We go to sleep and wake up the next morning married with a whole family. It’s crazy the way that time can seem so long and drawn out. But on the same hand, it can seem like everything is just flying by. That’s pretty much every parent feels when they see their baby walking across a highschool graduation stage. It’s a moment they all look forward to but are shocked how fast it comes.

That’s the way life works. We often remember and marvel at the big special moments in our lives. We don’t overthink things like how tall we’re getting each month. But when it comes to other big special events we overanticipate them. And that’s because in life, we won’t remember every single drawn out second. We will remember the big, life-changing moments. The moments that moved us emotionally in one way or another. Those moments are the true special moments and that’s why we put such an emphasis on them. Because one day, those moments may be the only moments we can easily remember. It’s important to remember those moments and cherish them now while they’re fresh. So what was the most defining moment in your life during this past year?

Here’s a short story on the most defining moment in my life during this past year.

This past year was one of particular interest to me. I’ve never had a year quite like this one before. It was the definition of ups and downs if I’ve ever seen it myself. I went through some of the lowest moments in my life this year. But I’ve also been at some of the best moments as well. It’s so hard to sum this year up in any way at all. All I know is that it was surely a crazy year for me. That’s not normal for me either. The years leading up to this have been either consistently good or consistently bad. Of course sometimes there was one or two bad events but nothing on the magnitude of this year. At some points this year I felt like it was the end. My whole life was coming to a close. There was no more to my story. That was hard to go through. Now I’m here having one of the greatest months in many years. That’s how bipolar this year has been for me.

But I will still pick just one moment. I woke up on the couch and looked around. I was completely lost for a few seconds. “Who’s couch is this?” and “Where on Earth am I right now?”, I was thinking. Then it all came back to me. I was in Phoenix, Arizona for this work blitz. I didn’t realize I fell asleep right on the couch watching Youtube videos. I got up and went to find a drink of water. There was nothing in the fridge. I just got here two days ago. Of course there was nothing in the fridge. This was only going to be my home for the next month. I still had to get up and get all the groceries and things I needed. I looked up the closest grocery store. It was right across the street. Thank goodness, I didn’t have to go far. But when I thought about going to buy a few essentials I started to overthink.

“What should I wear outside in Arizona’s weather?” “What if I get lost?” “What if people see me and can tell I’m all alone out here?” I was overthinking everything again. I grabbed the bottle of Powerade I bought in the airport two days earlier. It was just going to have to suffice. Then I started thinking of what I could do with all this time. I was obviously on a work trip so work was the correct answer. But I felt so lethargic and unmotivated. I decided to pull Youtube back up on the tv. I ended up right back on the same couch that I woke up on. I was watching Youtube videos about video games and people travelling the the world. It was a nice moment of escapism. Then I looked at my phone and realized it was almost four in the afternoon. I needed to get something to eat. Instead of walking across the street, I pulled up UberEats and ordered a meal.

Thirty minutes later, two egg and cheese croissant sandwiches showed up at the door. I awkwardly grabbed the food, smiled, and closed the door. I thought for a second on what I could do while eating the food. I came up with a couple of interesting ideas. I could call Dwayne and see what day he would be landing in Arizona. I hadn’t spoken to him in weeks. Or I could just work on a few things while eating my lunch. Or maybe just reading a business book I brought with me on the trip. I thought for two minutes. And then I finally decided to sit down and watch more Youtube videos while eating. It was completely unproductive and out of character. Something was wrong with me. I didn’t want to do anything but sit on that couch and watch dumb videos all day. I didn’t want to talk, listen, or be seen by anyone. I was closed off.

Then as I was finishing up my delicious smoothie I started thinking about something that made me happy. When I was a young kid in highschool I had a vision of what I wanted in life. I remember vividly thinking that I didn’t want a family, or close friends. I just wanted to live all alone as a bachelor in a nice fancy condo. I would wake up everyday, eat breakfast, work, and do whatever I wanted all day long. It was my dream life. I wanted to be alone, rich, and successful. Then when I looked around. I noticed that a lot of the things I wanted as a kid were all here. I was in a nice, clean, fancy home. I was all alone with no one but my own thoughts. And I could do anything that I wanted to do all day long. I was living the dream. I just smiled and went to take a shower with my new found optimism.

As soon as I walked in the shower with the music playing, I broke down in tears crying on the floor. I was broken. I didn’t know exactly what was wrong. I was just overflowing with emotions. All the emotions, sadness, and frustration I’d been bottling up was all let out. I wanted to be happy and content alone in the middle of nowhere. But the truth is I wasn’t. I missed my best friend. I missed my family. I missed my friends from Atlanta. I missed feeling cared for and loved. I was truly alone and it was a cold, dark feeling. I sat on the floor for a whole thirty minutes letting all my tears out. I didn’t have the energy to get up and shower. I just wanted to sit right there in my sorrows. That moment defined something special for me. Success, money, and personal goals mean nothing if you don’t have people to share it with.

Now I know my true life goals. I want happiness for myself and everyone I care about. That means you too.

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