One of the hardest things to do in life is fall in love. Well to make things confusing, falling in love is one of the easiest things to do in life. Many people approach love like some type of skill learned through courses and mentors. In reality, most times love happens very organically. You meet an interesting girl at your friends birthday party and have a great conversation. Next week you run into her again at the gym and you guys exchange info. Before you know it, you’re going out every other weekend to watch popular movies premiere at your local theater.
It’s almost automatic when you meet someone that sparks your interst. That’s why we all fall in love multiple times throughout life. But the difficult part isn’t falling in love, it’s staying in love. So many relationships fall apart within the first few years. There’s often a conflict of interests, personality, or vision in most relationships. It’s hard to fall in love with someone that is ideal for you and what you need in life. You have to be deliberate and thoughtful when it comes to finding a partner that is quality. The best thing you can do is be clear up front on what you need and want from a life partner. So what is the one primary quality you look for in a significant other?
Here’s a short story on what the one primary quality is that I look for in a significant other.
I hated the first few months of school. It wasn’t that I was lazy and preferred to be in sleeping all Summer. Maybe that was part of it but the majority was just being the new kid in school. I loved being the new kid with so much to explore an learn. But it was also tough getting acclimated and making new friends in school. In highschool everyone is grouped up in cliques from years in advance. I moved schools pretty much every year since middle school so there was no consistency in my friend groups. Now I was here in Bowie, Maryland hundreds of miles from Atlanta with no friends two months into classes. I was a true loner in every sense of the word.
I knew I had to go out of my way to make new relationships. I would go take bathroom breaks during every class and roam the halls. Whenever I saw someone interesting I would introduce myself. I sucked at conversations though so it was always pretty weird. Most times I was spitting out some crazy pickup line that I read from all my books on getting girls. Sometimes the conversation went well and the girls would laugh and talk with me. Other times the girls would just ignore me or be highly unimpressed with my cheesy pickup lines. But one day I met this super cute and interesting girl named Khayla.
We had a great conversation after talking about Valentine’s Day and how much cooler it was to be single. Then unlike every other time, we decided to exchange numbers. I was ecstatic. Not only did I meet a cute girl but she was sweet, smart, and athletic too. We texted later on that night and she told me how she was an up and coming track star. Then over the next few months we became pretty close. We would text every day and some nights talk on the phone for hours on end. I knew so many different things about what she liked and didn’t like. I was really attracted to her as well.
I didn’t see her everyday. But sometime at lunch we’d skip and just meet up in the hall. We’d laugh and talk in the stairwell before getting back to cafeteria before the bell rang. She’d invite me to track meets and school sports games that I would never attend. But it was really weird the one time I went to a basketball game and saw her. She was with two other friends from school that I had never met before. I walked up to her and said hey. She barely looked over and was slow to even acknowledge me. She just waved her hand. I tried to meet her friends and she kind of just blew me off saying she had to go. It was like I did something to upset her. I’d never seen her be so cold before.
We talked about it on the phone later that night and she said she wasn’t in a great mood. I eventually blew it off and decided it wasn’t a big deal. Everything went back to normal. We texted and talked regularly becoming closer. Then Valentine’s Day started approaching quickly. We were a week out from the day of love and I didn’t know what I was going to get her. We clearly weren’t in a relationship but we both liked each other a lot. I got her a giant card, a stuffed teddy bear, some nice panties, and chocolate. I was excited to see her afterschool and walked up to her. I smiled and told her I got her something. Her friends were just a few steps ahead. And weirdly enough, she acted like a complete stranger again.
She blew up on me and said she didn’t want anything to do with me. She complained about me being too nice. And I was in shock. She was an amazing girl in private but whenever we were in public or around her friends she was heartless. I learned that day that everything isn’t as it seems. Now the first thing I look for in a partner is Integrity. I want people in my life that are true to themselves and what they believe. If you always change up who you are to suit the people around you then there’s no real you. Just a different you. I need someone who has clear values and beliefs. I need someone who is honest and respectful. I don’t want anyone who compromises who they are like Khayla did that day.
I’m just glad you decided to call and make things right months later. I know that was the real Khayla :).