What have you done that you are not proud of?

Sorry to break it to you, but your celebrity crush is not an angel. We’re all humans in this world. No matter how much fame or money someone has, it doesn’t change the core of their existence. Humans are flawed. Humans make mistakes. We’re not perfect. So when you think of your celebrity crush and how amazing her life might be remember she gets bored too. When you think of your highschool crush and how perfect his instagram pictures are, remember that he uses photoshop just like you. Nobody fits the description of perfect. So we should humble ourselves and not be too quick to idolize others.

This means don’t expect your favorite artist to be perfect. They’ll have acne some days or dress like a bum when travelling. It’s okay to see the human side of people. We have to remind ourselves that everyone has a human side to them. But most importantly we have to remind ourselves we too make mistakes. And there will be things in life that we are ashamed that we’ve ever done. It’s okay to make mistakes. It’s our job to learn from our past selves and use that info to be better in the future. You have to embrace the things your aren’t proud of and remind yourself often why you don’t want to do it again. So what have you done that you are not proud of?

Here’s a short story of what I’ve done that I’m not proud of.

My phone alarm started going off on my computer desk. I slowly looked over at my phone then closed my eyes. I was so tired and dreading this moment. I didn’t sleep all night because I was thinking all night about what we had to do today. I went over to my phone and swiped the alarm off at approximately 6:10am. I woke up my girlfriend and told her it was about that time. We both jumped in the shower and quickly brushed our teeth. It was silent as we were putting our clothes on with almost no eye contact. We grabbed our wallet, purse, the keys and headed into the car.

I was nervous. And I didn’t have to do anything except be there. I was just a driver and a shoulder to lean on. She was the one who was going to be put in a vulnerable situation. She was one hundred times more nervous than I was. But we talked about this situation many times before. We’ve spent weeks and weeks talking about the different options we had. Ultimately we decided this was the best decision. We just didn’t know it was going to be this difficult, awkard, and stressful. But we had to do what we said we would. So I pulled up to Chick-fil-a and got her breakfast. I turned on the music and started the almost three hour drive.

When we pulled up in Augusta, Georgia we immediately felt out of place. It was out in the middle of nowhere. We’d never been to this part of Georgia but it was the closest city that had the clinics we needed. I didn’t want to make that drive. I didn’t want to wake up this early. And I’m sure she didn’t want to either. But it was one of those times that we had to grow up, be responsible, and handle our business. I asked her if she was feeling okay. She said she was nervous and anxious. She read a lot of stuff online that made her feel uncomfortable. I told her a lot of the stuff you read online is just rumors. She should definitely still be able to have kids after the procedure.

She got quiet. I was thinking of what to say to calm her down. But before I could come up with anything good, the GPS said, “You have reached your destination.” We jumped out the car and walked up to the building. As we approaced the door there was a big sign that read, “Planned Parenthood”. It was at that moment that I realized all of this was becoming real. We walked into the room and it was packed with women of all sizes, shapes, and colors. It was really sad to see. I didn’t know what to say or do. I was in shock at just how many people were there to have a termination. There were young couples to older businesswomen and everything in between.

And it was a depressing aura throughout the whole place. You could feel the tension and anxiety coming from each and every person. Eventually they called her and I watched as she went into the back of the clinic. I blew her a kiss. She was just pressing her lips as she left with her head sagged down. As soon as the door closed my mind started running wild. I doubted whether if this was the right decision. I worried on whether she would be safe and not get hurt. I felt horrible doing it behind both our parents back. Then I looked up an hour or two later she was walking back out to me. I gave her a huge hug.

We went in the car and started crying. She was sad. I was sad. We felt horrible. We felt relieved. She felt like shit. And she was in pain. I got her medicine and comforted her all the way back home. The next week or two was tough coming to terms with what happened. Ultimately I was glad we did what we had to do. But to this day I’m not proud that we had an abortion. I know she’s not proud either. And it wasn’t the last time. Within a few months, we had to do the whole thing all over again. This time with the help of parents. But all in all, we had to step up and make tough decisions. I believe it was the right one at the time. But it will never be something I’m proud of.

I’m sorry we had to go through that. I love you and know that amazing things are in our future.

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