Life is a rollercoaster filled with ups and downs. There will be great moments and there will be not so good moments. We all learn to cope with the ups and downs of life. We can’t always have a positive experience in everything we do. And it’s hard to deal with nonstop negative experiences in life. Nobody wants to be beaten down over and over again. But for most life is just a consistent up and down. Things get good and things get bad.
But every once in a while, we go through a big spike of bad. There’s a moment where the sad, the bad, and the tough is just ten times worse than normal. It catches off guard and it feels less like ups and downs, and more like a huge drop down. Those can be some of the scariest but most valuable moments in our life. And it can be very helpful to recall that moment and what went wrong for you. So what has been the most terrifying moment of your life thus far?
Here’s the most terrifying moment of my life thus far and my thoughts on it.
We’ve all had scary moments in life. Nobody goes through life with a perfect record never experiencing sadness, despair, or struggle. It’s just not likely in the slightest. We’re bound to be put through something that pushes us into a dark place. And the sooner we learn to understand that, the easier it becomes to prepare for some of those challenges. The good will inevitably come with some bad. And vice versa.
But some people will deal with more pain and struggle in life than others. Some people are born in tough situations from day one. They may struggle with the area and fighting for their life in an area littered with crime. Or maybe someone has scraped by financially their whole life. Other people may be discriminated against or been put in very comprimising situations all the time. And of course some people may deal with controlling authority figures or unwanted social pressure. There’s so many different factors that could cause bad moments in life.
Personally, I’ve dealt with the whole health struggles my entire life. I’ve spent way more time than normal in a hospital bed since I was a kid. So I have some pretty horrible dark moments in my life. Last year, 2018, was what I would consider my worst year to date healthwise. I was in and out of the hospital nonstop. I dealt with some of the most intense pain crises. And I was struggling to stay optimistic in those dark moments where all seemed lost. I thought for sure it was my time.
But even though, I will always remember the tribulations of that year, it was not the most terrifying moment. I’ve been sick so many times that I’ve learned to deal with it. I stay as calm as possible in those moments. And I’ve thought many times about the end and the real consequences of living with sickle cell. So while 2018 was horrible, I’ve spent my whole life building up and preparing for tough moments like that. It was nowhere near as scary as the actual most terrifying moment.
The most terrifying moment in my entire life was the moment I thought I was losing my mom. I was already in a dark place in early 2017. I was just getting through a tough relationship bump. And I was very depressed and sad ever since. But when I got the call that my mom was completely unresponsive in the hospital, I was terrified to my core. I watched my mom essentially lose all control over her body and cognitive functions laying in a hospital bed.
And when I realized I was going to lose her permanently, I was in a moment of true disbelief. After seeing her stand by my hospital bed for years supporting me, just for me to be standing by her hospital bed, it was hard. I wanted to help her with everything in my soul, but I was helpless. And she was helpless. It crushed my spirit. And I was terrified on the deepest level. I couldn’t handle a moment that deep, that dark, that tough. It was the most terrifying moment of my life thus far.
I love you Mom.