In twenty years, what do you want to remember?

Time is such a crazy thing to comprehend. Nobody knows how it exactly works or where it came from. But time is something seems like it’s here to stay. And it’s so important that it’s come to be the central part of the entire world. We couldn’t run as smoothly and efficiently without the measurements of time. And we’re born in the world with rarely no understanding of time. Although our bodies have a natural Circadian Rhythm it seems that we have no comprehesion of the past, present, and future. Our understandings of those things come with time. Matter of fact, I think the only way to better understand time is with time itself.

Imagine trying to explain color to someone who has been blind their entire life. It’s the same concept. But all in all, we learn to plan our lives according to time. I want to get married by this age. I want to be a millionaire by this age. And often times it helps us accomplish more in less time. Imagine thinking you had an infinite amount of time to have kids. Well, kids would forever be put on the backburner. But there is one thing we don’t do well when it comes to time. We don’t value large amounts of time. It’s hard to envision twenty years compared to two years. And that often leads us not to think that far ahead or behind. I think we should. So in twenty years, what do you want to remember?

Here’s a short story of what I want to remember in twenty years.

Man, twenty years is such a long amount of time. Chances are I wouldn’t even remember this post in twenty years. And we know that as time goes on we remember less and less. Our memories start to fail us. That means there’s less space for memories. And of course the longer we live, the more memories we have. It’s a paradox essentially. More time means more memories but less space to remember them. It’s kinda of sad when I think about it. But I would only be forty four years old in twenty years. If all goes well, I should still have plenty of space for many different memories. Nonetheless, I know I would only want a few special moments to be remembered. Here’s a few moments I want to remember in twenty years.

I want to remember the whole story of 2016. That was one of the craziest years of my life emotionally. Actually, it’s more like 2016 into the first half of 2017. I was in the dumps pretty bad. I got my heart broken for the first time in my life. And I was in pieces. My whole life was shattered. Looking back on that moment, I don’t know how I pushed through. I’ve been through lots of pain in my life but I literally felt like I couldn’t breathe at moments. I never knew that heartbreak was so tough. It hurt me down to my core and shook up my life in a way I will never forget. I’ve been dealing with the repurcussions ever since. And I can honestly say, I’m still affected by those heartbreaking moments many years later.

I would also want to remember one of the happiest moments that I’ve had. In 2018, I accomplished something that I had been aspiring to do for at least four years then. It wasn’t easy and it wasn’t quick. But I put a lot of time and energy into accomplishing those goals. Me and Dwayne had a grand vision of putting all of our favorite family and friends in one house and treating them to an amazing experience. I still don’t know why I thought it was possible. Maybe Dwayne’s crazy boldness was just enough to convince me to go along with it. And it turned out amazing. Chance made an amazing video to memorialize the whole event. I want to remember that moment every week of my life because I know we’ll do bigger and better soon.

I also want to remember the moment that I went through early 2019. It was something that was happening silently in the background. The only person that really knew was DeAsia. I was hooked on pain medication for a long time before then. It was something that I started depending on just to get through the day. It was sad. And my whole life was a blur. I knew I didn’t want to be in that state but I was using it cope with demons I didn’t want to confront. Eventually, I put myself through a tough change. I woke up one day and said I was going to quit cold turkey. Little did I know it was going to be one of the hardest challenges of my life. My goodness, I wouldn’t wish it on my worse enemy. It took the spirit and life right out of me. And I’ve since been going through withdrawal over and over to this day.

It’s sad. Nothing as bad as the first time. But I’m still battling my own demons. I just know that the three to five days I experienced early 2019 scarred me forever. And I want to forever remember that pain. I learned a lot about life and balance. And that pain alone can push me to never do anything I know I shouldn’t do in life. I never want to experience it again and I hope and pray for anyone going through the same right now. I know the pain. And I will always remember that pain. It’s nothing to play with. It just makes more said knowing that I’ll probably experience it a couple more times before I get fully back on track. And worse more, is the millions of people I know are dealing with even harsher withdrawals right now or eventually in their future. I feel for them.

All in all, there’s a bunch of memories that I want to remember in twenty years. I couldn’t pick just one. I just know I’m not the most emotional person. I hide my emotions and often stay to myself. But that doesn’t mean I haven’t been impacted emotionally. Actually, the biggest moments in my life are the times I’m truly emotionally moved. And for someone who hates being emotional, I know they all hold true value. So I want to remember every big moment that caused me to be moved emotionally whether good or bad. That means the moments that life is so dark, the only answer seems like suicide. And of course, the beautiful moments that I’m inspired to do more and better in the world. I cherish them all.

I just hope I’m here to remember them twenty years from now.

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