Once upon a time, I was an avid believer that being emotional was a bad thing. As a young teen I always struggled with my emotions. It was a big deal to me. I didn’t think I was over-emotional or had too many emotions. But rather, I felt like I had no emotions whatsoever. I felt a little distant, like I never felt enough emotions. Some days I would even find myself casually feeling an emotion but at the absolute wrong times. Imagine being the creepy guy in the back, smirking and laughing at your great grandmother’s funeral.
Exactly… It’s unacceptable.
Honestly, it never got that bad. I was sad at my great grandmother’s funeral, but I really didn’t shed any tears. But I did find myself laughing or being amused while getting whipped by a belt for breaking some house rule. It sounds like no big deal. But there was always that faint thought that just maybe I’m a psycopath.
As I grew older, I started to observe how emotions were so detrimental in my peers lives. One person gets angry at another, and boom another fight breaks out. Or this person likes that person who’s jealous of that other person. It was so interesting to see trivial emotions make people act completely out of character. And then I started to admire my “skills”. My ability to think clearly and not let emotions cloud my judgment and decision making. It became a part of my identity. Who is Tim? He uses logic not feelings. He’s rational not emotional. He thinks not feels.
So naturally, crying has always been a hugeeeee no-no in my book. Crying was the ultimate culmination of feelings boiling over and being let out. It was tell-tale sign of an “emotional” person. That was the old me. And that’s exactly how I thought.
The new me is much wiser. Granted, I still have some of the same thought processes. Like, I know I’m not emotional. And I know I work best with rational thinking over anything else. But I’ve learned to respect and value emotions.
Being in love with one of the most beautifully emotional women I know for 3 years taught me so much. I’ve learned to admire emotions because they matter. And emotions can show your true thoughts and feelings on something. Gut feelings have since led to some of the best decisions in my life.
Now I think crying is a true strength. When you can let go of pride and take a moment to be honest, true, and vulnerable, it is a beautiful thing. I now think that all emotions, while yes they can cloud judgment, have a place in people’s lives. And you should take the time to always embrace your emotions. Each and every emotion has value and meaning behind it. It’s your job to understand them.